dreamwindow

Photo: https://unsplash.com/@joelmwakasege

 

dreamt I fell in love

it was so simple

like a small clear window

didn’t have to search for it

didn’t have to try

 

your clean, sudden lines

eyes smiling in delight

you said

it’s us now, forever

for however long that lasts

I laughed, and said

you know

I used to find you annoying

with your past life, past wives…

 

our movie showed a map

we travelled across Tanzania

on the coca-cola croc train

stopping here and there

to refill our canteen

 

dreamt I fell in love

it was so simple

looked down and it was there

like a small clear window

certainty at last

a strip of perfect light

 

dreamt I fell in love

oh, come back night

 

I played around with trying to turn this into a sonnet but it didn’t work so well. Maybe it’s a ‘deconstructed sonnet’.

Photo: https://unsplash.com/@joelmwakasege

Added to dVerse open link night 

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34 comments

  1. Funny. Ideal easy love as a dream? I enjoyed this style. Though love poems, especially betrayed love or unrequited love poems do abound almost as much a beautiful nature poems, this one had a plain fun feel.

  2. Your deconstruction turned out beautifully, Claire and I agree that it is lyrical and song-like. I love the way it has developed from such a simple premise: that falling in love is simple, especially in the lines, with the clarity of the window and the strip of perfect light, that then twists into the ambiguous final line: ‘oh, come back night’.

  3. Sonnet deconstructed, or whatever it is, it is beautiful! Lyrical and tender, but not sloppy. LOL! Just a real gem. repeat reflections were well here. Just lovely.

    I know with me, sonnet form twists my natural voice, into something I don’t recognize. I think the form you wrote in is perfect for the story.

  4. The personal touch, as much as in your notion of not sonnetising it, makes your writing both accessible and delightful to read. I look forward to reading more of your works, Claire.

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